James Whitley, ‘HOFH Pivotal in Saving My Life’
Misty Buck: HOFH Athlete Mental Health Coach
Misty Buck, Athlete Mental Health Coach and contributor to HOFH, interviews James Whitley, a retired NFL football player and standout cornerback at the University of Michigan, and Andrea Arnold, Founder and Executive Director at For Those Who Stayed.
“There are no permanent solutions for temporary problems,” James Whitley beamed with an aura of clarity and gratitude.
Just two months ago, Whitley found himself at rock bottom and contemplating suicide. He was working but struggling to stay on his feet due to limited resources in the wake of the pandemic. He had just lost his apartment, and with no other option, he checked himself into a budget hotel. Having been in this same position 10 years ago, Whitley found himself exhausted by the feeling that his life was going in circles. Overwhelmed with loneliness and in a dark place that he had never experienced before, Whitley knew he needed extreme help.
He reached out to a friend and asked them to put him in touch with an organization that might be able to help. His friend responded shortly thereafter with the contact information Whitley was looking for. However, when Whitley made the phone call on that Friday afternoon, he was met with greater despair when he was told that the office was closing for the weekend, but they could put him in touch with someone on Monday. With his gun sitting on the table and staring at him, Whitley wasn’t sure he had that much time.
In reaching out for help and not getting it, he slipped deeper into a sinking struggle. He felt there was no one he could trust to help him as a lifetime of traumatic events lingered in the forefront of his mind. He felt worthless and as though he couldn’t escape. He was done fighting.
After a night out trying to make one more attempt to shake off what he was feeling, Whitley was back in his hotel room, alone with a nearly empty bottle of tequila, his gun, and his phone. Luckily, he had spoken with another friend earlier in the evening who could tell something wasn’t right. Although Whitley has vague memories of the conversation, his friend heard enough during their conversation that made him spring into taking action. Right as Whitley was eyeing his gun, his phone rang again.
At that moment, he describes looking at the phone and then gun and deciding, “I don’t want this.” He answered the phone.
The alarmed friend who he had spoken with earlier in the evening had connected with Andrea Arnold, Founder and Executive Director at For Those Who Stayed, an organization founded to serve former players and personnel of the University of Michigan football program. (Whitley had played cornerback at the University of Michigan.)
“He told me that a lady named Andrea was going to call me,” Whitley remembers. “He told me, you don’t know her, but you need to answer the phone and you need to trust her.”
“I got a call in the middle of the night that there was this guy in crisis,” Arnold recalls. “Fortunately, I had been introduced to Hall of Fame Behavioral Health through Wes Cain. We made some phone calls and together, we were able to refer James to Vanderbilt Health, a HOFBH Center of Excellence in Nashville, Tennessee, that would take Whitley in the very next day. We just needed to get him there.”
“I missed my flight though,” Whitley chuckled. “I still wasn’t sure I wanted to get help and trust Andrea. But as I was standing in the airport lobby wondering if I should book another flight, she sent me a text with a photo of her sitting in her airplane seat with a thumbs up and said she was ready to meet me there at the facility. She asked, ‘you coming?’ That one text made the decision a lot easier for me because I felt that someone had my back, and so I got on the next flight and checked into the facility with her by my side.”
During his childhood and collegiate career, Whitley battled numerous traumatic events that he mostly dealt with on his own. Then, after his sports career ended, he felt lost because among the obstacles, he had no job training. Plus, he wrestled with letting go of his identity as a football player. He realized that football didn’t love him the way that he had loved it.
“Don’t let money mask the pain of your traumas,” Whitley cautioned.
I thought football would be there for a long time and so I just kept making withdraws from my bank account but now that I look back, I see I was also making withdraws from the other parts of my life. The problem was I never made deposits into my bank account or my soul or anything really,” he continued.
When it comes to learning how to adapt to life outside of sports, Whitley says, “One of the things is that as football players, your mindset is that you’re at war. Your head has to be on a swivel, and that’s hard to turn off. Also, as athletes you’re taught that competition is in your head and you have to figure it all out on your own. You’re so used to go, go, go, that you need to train your mind to calm down.”
“James is tough as nails, quiet, and holds things in. I was worried that he may not respond,” Arnold added. “Hall of Fame Behavioral Health did it right and this story is a testament to what can happen when you have the right support, and you choose to take it.”
Today, Whitley is back in Michigan, and Arnold still has his back. He is learning how to express the pain of his trauma, except now he has a support system that is allowing him to heal. Although he questioned getting on that first flight, he has since learned that fear is a false expectation and that even retired pro football players are just normal people who need support.
“That realization that we’re all just people was enlightening,” Whitley said.
As a part of his treatment plan, he is practicing meditation, yoga, and adopting mindful habits to help him stay in the moment and stay calm. He is also working on launching a commemorative apparel brand called NineseveN through his company, The NineseveN Group, LLC. Under the brand, a T-shirt adorning the mantra, "No permanent solutions for temporary problems" will aim to help bring awareness to suicide prevention and mental health. A significant percentage of all proceeds will be donated to foundations like For Those Who Stayed. If you'd like to help support his mission, please visit TheNineseveNGroup.com. Among his additional goals, Whitley wants to speak with athletes and teams to share his story, and publish an autobiography.
“God wants us to be of service, and now I have the opportunity to do that,” Whitley gushed. “Words can’t express how I feel right now, because I’m here right now.”
Hall of Fame Behavioral Health (HOFBH) provides a variety of resources for mental health, behavioral health, and substance use issues for athletes, their loved ones, and beyond. The diverse community of caregivers, including former athletes, understand the athlete experience and walk with clients throughout the process, every step of the way. Payment options include discounted self-pay rates, insurance, and financial assistance through the HART Foundation. The HOFBH concierge service can be reached at (866) 901-1241.
If you are experiencing a mental health emergency or require emergency assistance, please call the HOFBH Crisis Line at 866-901-1245 or call 911 or head to your nearest local emergency room.