How Athletes Can Learn to Be Okay With Not Being Okay
By: Misty Buck - Athlete Mental Health Coach and Contributor to HOFH
There’s a saying in the mental health space, “it’s okay to not be okay.” As simple of a statement as that is, it actually becomes quite challenging when you realize that to embrace this concept, you have to be vulnerable. As an athlete, you’ve probably been taught to compartmentalize your emotions and hide weaknesses. In sports, vulnerability isn’t highly valued, but elsewhere in life, vulnerability is the key to unlocking healing. This conflict can lead to an unhelpful and judgmental inner dialogue. So, even if you realize that you might need mental health help, you still may not feel that you deserve it or know how to grant yourself the permission to get it.
Unmasking your true self—mind, body, soul, and emotions—takes extraordinary courage. Most people hide behind labels shunning their true thoughts and feelings just to keep up, fit in, and perhaps even survive. These limiting beliefs hold you back from your healing, and I’d argue they also hold you back from embracing your purpose.
As connected as we are digitally, we’re more disconnected from ourselves than ever before.
The digital and physical space blurringly intersect. Your life is more public than ever, giving your ego more opportunities to feed your fears about who you should be, where you should be, how you should act, how you should feel, etc.
This confusing space is particularly hard for athletes. You are under tremendous pressure to perform, and also to uphold what it means to be a part of your team and an athlete. Understandably, sometimes, it’s easier to dismiss your internal strives than it is to bring them into a setting where you already feel tremendously challenged. It can feel overwhelming and scary.
While many athletes are coming forward about their mental health struggles, you might not be ready to do the same. No one faults you for that. However, if you’re suffering, the first step you have to take is to acknowledge that something isn’t right and then give yourself permission to work through it.
How to be okay with not being okay:
Get quiet and listen to yourself without judgment. Healing begins when you are ready to be honest with yourself. To do this, you have to connect with yourself, particularly your spirit. Sit in quiet without distraction. Take some deep breaths and be real with yourself. What are you feeling and where are you feeling it?
Stop judging if your hardship is worthy or not. Self-judgment is a major block to healing. You don’t have to reach a certain level of suffering before you deserve to be stressed, sad, angry, etc. Accept that whatever you are dealing with is hard for you, and that’s totally acceptable. This is your experience. There are no wrong emotions. You’re worthy of working towards feeling peace and joy no matter the circumstances.
Let go of the guilt. You can reach a certain level of success, be blessed, and still not feel great. That’s nothing to feel guilty about. Your environment doesn’t always mirror how you feel on the inside. It happens and it’s normal.
Accept that it’s scary. Your thoughts and feelings can be scary but they deserve to be heard so you can work through them. Whether you are dealing with something like unhealed trauma or emotional management issues, it can be intimidating. There is help available where you can work with someone trusted in a safe space. Taking the first step to get help will always be the hardest part. Once you get through that, the healing process will begin.
Hardships lead to your purpose. Every challenge is an opportunity to learn more about yourself. The more you know about yourself--the clearer you are on your feelings, wants, and needs--the better you’ll be at making decisions that are aligned with your purpose and your path.
If you’re stressed and struggling, help is available. You don’t have to wait for a full-blown crisis or rock bottom to hit before you get the support you need and deserve. Contact the Hall of Fame Behavioral Health (HOFBH) concierge service at (866) 404 -HOFH. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency or require emergency assistance, please call the HOFBH Crisis Line at 866-901-1245, call 911, or head to your nearest local emergency room.