5 Ways to Accept and Show Self-Love
By: Misty Buck, Athlete Mental Health Coach and Contributor to HOFH
Self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-love are all essential to the human experience. Mental health is often described as how you think, feel and act, both inside and outside. Self-love is something that only you can be responsible for and it’s often invisible to others, which makes it easy to overlook, especially when you are accustomed to the competitive world of athletics.
Love, acceptance, and contentment begin on the inside. It’s a mindset and a state of being. It’s something that only you can control. However, when you’re struggling, sometimes the last place you look for comfort is within.
Why Self-Love is a Good Thing
In my opinion, love is the foundation for all things. If you want to embrace life authentically and with purpose, if you want to serve others, or if you just want to live peacefully, then you have to start with loving the person in the mirror.
One of the pillars of the practice of mindfulness, as well as in many religions, is something called, “loving-kindness.” It is a practice of receiving love and sending love, both to yourself and to others. This can be difficult when you feel unlovable or guarded. It can also be scary.
Self-love can be the bridge to all healing because it allows space for compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, contentment, and letting go. It breaks down the barriers between you and your full potential. To move forward, you have to let go of the things that no longer serve you well, but you also have to embrace the things that do serve you well, even when it causes temporary discomfort.
Tips to Accept Self-Love
Repeat after me, “I deserve love. I love myself and I accept myself. I don’t have to be perfect to deserve love.” When it comes to love, acceptance is the key to the game. If for one reason or another you’ve learned to distrust love (e.g., maybe it doesn’t feel safe), then the first step to work on is acceptance.
Love yourself first. The success of relationships depends on the willingness of each party to participate. As my aunt has often told me, “love is an action word.” If you can’t fully love yourself, then you can’t fully love another person. There will always be limitations because you judge others the way you judge yourself. If you’re overly critical of yourself in a particular area, then that’s probably one of the first things you look at in others. You can’t put 75% in and expect a full return on your investment. So, take the time to learn to love yourself. You’ll feel better and it’ll also benefit the people around you.
When you’re going through a hard time, it can be difficult to focus on anything but the problem, including how it makes you feel. Try going a little easier on yourself. You’re only human and you’re doing the best you can.
In sports, you often hear the word “heart” used to describe an athlete or a team’s toughness. This grit is celebrated. And so, you learn that to dig deep at all costs is a good thing. The value placed on that characteristic can make it difficult to learn how to accept yourself and love yourself in any and every situation. Try shifting your mindset from believing that love and vulnerability are weaknesses to believing that they make you more human and more connected.
Tips to Show Self-Love
Set boundaries. Loving yourself is knowing your limits and holding yourself to those boundaries to do what’s best for you.
Practice forgiveness. When you hold on to anger, you hold onto resentment. You can’t change what happened, but you can change how you choose to allow it to be present in your life. Keep in mind that sometimes you might have to forgive yourself as much as you have to forgive others.
Trust a little more. People can sense when you’re guarded. Instead of approaching everything in life from thinking that everyone is out to get you (i.e., survival mode) try trusting yourself to know who to trust and who not to trust.
Be compassionate. Learn to be honest with yourself about what your needs are and accept it for what it is. Instead of fighting yourself or putting your ego in the driver’s seat, try to just be real with yourself and honor your needs. Keep it simple. “If this is what I need, this is what I need.”
Show gratitude and celebrate. Gratitude can be an instant mood booster. What do you have to be grateful for? What can you celebrate? It doesn’t have to be a big win to still count as a win.
Self-Love Meditation
Meditation can help you slow down, let go, and train your brain. Here is a brief meditation exercise to help you practice self-love.
Before starting this or any meditation, let go of all expectations. Allow yourself to be present in the moment. Just for right now, just be.
Inhale deeply, filling your stomach with air.
Exhale slowly.
Repeat two more times.
Inhale while thinking this affirmation: I love myself.
Exhale: I love myself.
Inhale: I am not perfect, but I am human.
Exhale: I am not perfect, but I am human.
Inhale: I trust myself.
Exhale: I trust myself.
Inhale: I can be real with myself and honor my needs.
Exhale: I can be real with myself and honor my needs.
Inhale: I deserve love.
Exhale: I deserve love.
Inhale: I deserve to be at peace.
Exhale: I deserve to be at peace.
Inhale: I accept the things I can not control.
Exhale: I accept the things I can not control.
Inhale: They are not a reflection of me.
Exhale: They are not a reflection of me.
Inhale: I am doing the best I can.
Exhale: I am doing the best I can.
Inhale: I love myself.
Exhale: I love myself.
If you or a loved one is struggling with a mental health issue, contact the Hall of Fame Health (HOFH) concierge service at (866) 404-HOFH. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency or require emergency assistance, please call the HOFH Crisis Line at 866-901-1245, call 911, or head to your nearest local emergency room.