Misty Buck: Successfully Navigating Life Changes
By: Misty Buck, Athlete Mental Health Coach and Contributor to HOFH
How many times have you heard the phrase, “change is inevitable?” When you’re an athlete, you’re accustomed to adapting to change on the field, court, etc. That’s just part of the game. You might even shine in the high-pressure moments of competition. Outside of the game, however, life changes and challenges can be uncomfortable and not as easy to navigate because you have to adjust to the unfamiliar and unknown. You also have to learn a different way of attacking the situation so you can achieve forward progress.
Lining Up Actions With Results
Change happens all throughout our lives. Sometimes, you’re expecting it, and sometimes it takes you by total surprise. In either instance, it can lead to internal struggles, particularly when it’s uncomfortable and the outcome is unknown.
As athletes, you’re used to having a strategy to execute. The training and game plan is tactical. You study film, devise plays, and you learn how to observe and process so you can adjust on the fly. Elsewhere in life, those steps aren’t always so clear.
Have you ever felt like you’re doing so much and yet nothing is working? Or, maybe you’re feeling unsettled and like there isn’t enough you can do to fix it? Perhaps you might even feel like you don’t know what the right thing to do is so you’ll either do nothing or try everything. You might even feel stuck in a loop of repetitive frustrations.
During times of transition, the action to results ratio can feel totally out of whack because unfortunately in life, there’s no perfect foolproof formula, play, or game plan for any given situation. There’s very little you can control about people and circumstances, which might leave you feeling like a puppet–something totally out of alignment with who you are as a player.
Mental Wellness Tips During Times of Challenging Changes
● Growing pains are temporary. There’s a saying that I Iove: “you’ve already survived 100% of your hardest days.” I love this reminder because even when the situation in front of you feels insurmountable, it’s important to remember that whatever is going on is only temporary. How do you know that? You’ve already been through challenges and somehow, you’re still here.
● Focus on compassionate resiliency. There is a balance between being mentally tough and going easy on yourself. If you’re too hard on yourself and try to force outcomes, you’ll likely suffer more than necessary. On the other hand, if you take it too easy, you could risk delaying a resolution. I like to think of the middle ground as compassionate resiliency. Know that you’re strong enough to sit with the discomfort while acknowledging that you’re doing your best with what you can control.
● Accept that you can’t control everything. As an athlete, you’ve probably heard the saying, “control the controllables.” This is an incredibly important reminder, particularly when emotions are involved. Do what you can do, but also, allow others to do what they are going to do without taking it personally or claiming responsibility for their words and actions. Have faith in the rest.
● Create new ways of doing things that work for you. Change means pivoting. Create a flexible game plan. Explore new ways of doing things, and then adapt your plan as you go. Flexibility is key here. Vulnerability and humility are essential. What worked before, may not work now and that’s okay. That’s part of life!
● Gift yourself the space to talk through it so you can get clear. You don’t have to do it all on your own. You need a coach and a team outside of sports, too. There’s strength in collaborating with others, and it benefits everyone. For example, when I am coaching an athlete, they might be having trouble figuring things out or be spinning in their thoughts about something, so we'll have conversations to help them get clarity and get on the path that they feel most aligned with. We work together to make peace with where they are and moving forward. Not sure who can support you? The resources offered by the Hall of Fame Health (HOFH) are a great place to start.
If you’re having a hard time with changes and adversity, reach out and get support. Oftentimes talking through the challenges with someone can help relieve the stress and help you find new solutions. Contact the Hall of Fame Health (HOFH) concierge service at (866) 404-HOFH. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency or require emergency assistance, please call the HOFH Crisis Line at 866-901-1245, call 911, or head to your nearest local emergency room.