Misty Buck: How To Speak Up When You Need Support
By: Misty Buck, Athlete Mental Health Coach and Contributor to HOFH
Struggles and challenges in life can feel isolating. Behavioral health issues in particular can make you feel like you’re alone on an island living your own experience that no one else understands. When I first started publicly sharing about my own struggles with depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety, what surprised me the most was how many different people from different walks of life could identify with what I was experiencing. Not surprisingly, many people I have spoken with want their stories to remain confidential, which tells me that a great number of people experience struggles with mental health even if they don’t talk about it. The point here is that each and every one of us is actually not alone at all, but to get support, we have to learn to get comfortable with speaking up and reaching out for help.
Open Up to Receiving Love
It’s been my experience that people often keep their problems to themselves because they don’t think anyone else wants to hear about them. Furthermore, they don’t want anyone to know they are struggling because they don’t want people to think differently of them. They also might feel like no one would understand. Or, maybe they don’t know how to express themselves.
Under the pressure cooker of work, school, society, and image, is the foundational desire to be supported by peers and loved. Love is a basic necessity, therefore peer acceptance is of extreme importance to most people. The irony is that while you might be hiding your problems, your peer might be dealing with the same exact issue.
Start by opening up to the idea that you are capable and deserving of receiving love. Look for safe spaces where you can let your walls down. There are spaces where people will understand you and want to support you without judgment. These places may include peer groups, support groups, therapy sessions, and counseling programs.
Courage to be Vulnerable
It takes courage to be vulnerable. There’s no way around that. We all have self-doubts and fears. It’s part of being human, yet many of us internalize these things because we don’t want to come across as weak. On an even deeper level, we may not want to face our own flaws. The problem with this is that we wind up stuck and our emotions build up. When combined, this is the perfect storm for setting ourselves up for risky outcomes because everything you think you’re internalizing will eventually find an outlet.
As the famous saying goes, the only way out is through. It takes tremendous courage to have the willingness to be honest with yourself, and then to speak about that with another person. Speaking up is the bravest and most loving thing you can do. It could quite literally be the difference in helping you live the life you’ve always dreamed about. One of peace, love, freedom, and purpose.
Getting vulnerable isn’t comfortable because you’ll probably feel like you’re swimming in fear at first. You’ll doubt yourself and you’ll question yourself. But, once you gain the courage to move through the fear, you’ll find that there is a support system out there and you’re most certainly not alone. The camaraderie will probably even surprise you, just as it surprised me and countless others I’ve spoken with.
Meditation to help you tap into courage
Start by taking a few deep breaths. Set the intention to be open to using your voice and honoring yourself. Make sure you’re in a comfortable position and close your eyes.
Take four slow deep breaths. Acknowledge that you may not be feeling your strongest, and that’s okay. You’re safe. This difficult period is a temporary moment in time. You have the strength and energy deep within you to move forward and get help. Even if everything within you is telling you to quit, you don’t have to give in. You are strong enough to face this challenge and overcome it. You have all of the inner strength you need.
Take four more deep breaths. With each inhale, imagine every cell of your body filling with courage, and with each exhale, feel your fears and doubts moving farther and farther away from you. Fears may still exist, but you are stronger than them. There is no need to fight your fears; they will disappear little by little as you move forward in faith. With every step, you will get stronger and you will heal a little more.
Take four more deep breaths and repeat to yourself, “I am strong. I am courageous. I am enough. I am supported. I can do this.”
Even the parts of you that are scared, are safe. You have enough courage to fill those spaces with love.
Acknowledge that while it’s true that you can’t control how other people react, you are safe. You can give yourself permission to be yourself and honor yourself so you can live the life you deserve to live full of peace. You can only control what you can control, and you deserve to give yourself the opportunity to get through this challenge.
Take four more deep breaths. The universe and the guiding spirit are with you. You have already survived your toughest days, and not only will you survive this, but you will flourish. You’ll be stronger and you’ll be better equipped to deal with future challenges.
Take four more deep breaths and imagine yourself wrapped in a warm hug. Feel yourself giving and receiving love. Repeat, “I am worthy. I am valuable. I can do this. Even when it gets hard, I can do this.”
Rest here for a moment. Know that hope and help are available to you.
Take four more deep breaths and when you’re ready, slowly open your eyes and smile. You can do this.
More Tips for Speaking Up
If you are in a crisis right now, please call the Hall of Fame Health Crisis Line at 866-901-1245, call 911, or head to your nearest local emergency room. It’s not too late to make the call or seek emergency assistance.
● Write what you need to say when asking for support. This can help you verbalize the words later on, but it can also help you build courage by first getting your feelings out on paper.
● Visualize yourself speaking up. Imagine having a conversation with someone who is supportive.
● Practice speaking on hard topics by looking in the mirror and saying what you’re thinking and feeling out loud.
● Let the person you’re going to speak to know that it isn’t easy for you to say what you’re about to say. This will give them notice that you would like their attention.
● Go easy on yourself. There’s no perfect way to talk about hard topics.
Support is available for individuals who suffer from mental illness, addiction, and alcoholism. Contact the Hall of Fame Health (HOFH) concierge call line at (866) 404-HOFH to find out more about treatment centers, health services, and providers. The service line is open to athletes and non-athletes. Scholarship funds may be available on
a case-by-case basis through Fund Recovery. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency or require emergency assistance, please call the HOFH Crisis Line at 866-901-1245, call 911, or head to your nearest local emergency room.